Jokes

Humour and a list from a trade rag:

Public Execution
Three condemned people are to be executed via the guillotine.

The first condemned person steps up, a minister. The lever is pulled, but the blade doesn't come down. The minister cries out "God knows I am innocent!" He is pardoned.

The second condemned person is a revolutionary agitator. The lever is pulled, but the blade doesn't come down. The man cries out "The revolution cannot be stopped!" He is pardoned.

The third condemned person is an engineer. Once again, the lever is pulled, but the blade doesn't come down. He looks up, points up, and says, "I think your problem si that the cable is binding right here....."

Dilbert(R) Comic by Scott Adams
A: It takes years of training to be an engineer.
A: But you don't need any training whatsoever to be an engineer's boss.
A: It's unskilled labor without the labor.
B: I could do that.

Instructions for Life in the New Millennium from the Dalai Lama:
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to chane, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love an cooking with reckless abandon.

Quirky engineers........


Collapsed Sea Arch, Onomea Bay, Big Island, Hawai'i, May 2005, by LHD