A Christmas Play-by-Play

By Loren Dern

Just a few nights before Christmas,
I flew off the isle,
(I give up....too hard to try and rewrite that one...lets try a news version)

Tuesday, December 21, 2004, Honolulu, HI
I got on a plane to Portland. My checked bag was checked thrice. Once by the USDA, once by the caring hand of a TSA agent, once by the big look through your bags machine. On arrival at Portland International Airport (PDX) the plane was on final approach near landing, when what to my wondering eyes appeared but a plane with thrusters ablare. There was another plane on the runway.....I vote the pilot and air traffic controllers made the right choice. Hung out some with my friend Drew, made sure my house and car were still functioning. Sleep at 1AM PST.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004, Portland, OR
Got up at 6AM PST (4AM HST for yous who keep track). Drove 1 hour to work. Stage one readjustment...time zone, and not seeing the ocean at all for that long of a drive......driving that far period. Spend my third full day of work at the Oregon office. Company Christmas dinner that night. Didn't drink much....didn't need to; I was already rummy. My body was freaking out, 2 hour time change, grey sky, everytime I went outside it was dark, my body hadn't been fed rice for over 24 hours. Great dinner though; I recommend Meriweather's (sp?) to anyone who might venture through/to Portland.

Thursday, December 23, 2004, Newberg, OR
Work. Hung out with my friend Christian (aka Sister C). The Laurelwood was too crowded, ended up at the Alameda. The bartender might come visit when he's out here next month. Final stop for me, the Kennedy School; just a couple blocks from my vacation home. Entertainment for the night; Older barfly lady and friend attempt to start conversation/pick up two people by uttering "It feels good out here." In my usual non-paying attentionness to what is happening responds "Its freezing out here." Fortunately things pretty much petered out after that.

Friday, December 24, 2004, Portland, OR
Day off day. Throats begins to hurt, am convinced that my mucous membranes are fighting against dry air. Wrap Christmas gifts. Begin unpacking the Library room of the house. Drive to Salem (60 miles oh my). Awesome dinner that night. Mom made Enchiladas. After my half-hearted complaining at Thanksgiving, mmmmmm Mexican Food. Watched Napoleon Dynamite. Great film about friendship and other stuff. Talked like the kid in that film the rest of the weekend (Gosh....you're making me look like an idiot). Midnight Mass. By then I think I had a fever and my throat really hurt...guess mucous membranes where fighting more than dry air.

Saturday, December 25, 2004, Salem, OR
Funniest gift I gave; Elvis Presley Macadamia Nut Cookies. Funniest gift I got; an old puzzle rescued from the garage sale pile. Seems my sister is still working on getting back at me for two gifts. She was lucky enough to study abroad in Austria in college. I was lucky enough to find a plastic cup she made in grade school and decorated with the words "MINE" on it in the garage sale pile. I shipped it international (along with her much cooler real present) for Christmas that year. Second, I inherited her old computer and ended up fixing a lot of things wrong with it; that year for her birthday she got a book called something like "How to do Almost Everything with your Computer". I really am a vile brother I guess. Got a chance to watch Bourne Supremacy that weekend. Enjoyed it, am realizing I am way behind in seeing movies this year.....guess I've been busy. Drove back to Portland (in the dark and rain oh gee).

Sunday, December 26, 2004, NE Portland, OR
Late start. Watched a movie on the home theater (almost as good as the theater....actually the sound is better than the theater IMHO). Unpacked the Library room. Friends have always told me that walking into my house (or room) is like going into a Museum/Library. Endless packrat, unpacked things that haven't seen the daylight in 3-4years. Most surprising and happy find: A clay wall painting with a sailboat I made in 2nd grade. Also, wanted to set up the computer in the library. Older home=older electrical outlets. I plugged in one of those 3-prong/2-prong-polarized adapters and tested the outlet; result hot-neutral wires reversed. Spent a couple hours fixing that. At least I now know which circuit that outlet is on and how electric receptacles are wired. Anybody have any that need fixed.....I'll fly out no problem.

Monday, December 27, 2004, Willamette Valley, OR
Hacking like crazy and driving to work. Beers (not smart with a cold) that night with a friend. Packed, closed up the house and parked the car once again behind the fence.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004, Pacific Ocean
6 hour bumpy flight to Honolulu . Multiple times during the flight the pilot called the flight attendants to return to their seats. I learnt that flying (well actually landing) with a head cold is one of the worst physical things in life.

Anyhow back here, looking forward to New Year's, what I understand will be huge fireworks diplays and this storm with 60 mph winds and rain are gonne be like......

(If you are now reading this you truly are a diehard, leave me a comment; that deserves a prize)